This morning was another repeat of the past two days. I got out on my bike and made a 15 mile loop. As I was riding, I thought about what I rather be doing if I could do anything I desired. The answer came back, I don't know! A lot of the things I have believed I wanted to do lately have come at a price of anxiousness when I can't immediately fulfill the desire. Like getting worked up about not being able to ride certain days or go on an overnight backpack trip. So a lot of what I end up doing isn't planned, it is just spontaneous. The Bike Safari or going to Navarre requires a lot of planning. With planning comes a lot of obstacles that can interfere with the joy of anticipation. Also, as I prepare for Bev and David to join me in Florida, I worry that they won't enjoy themselves. Now after a certain point, it isn't up to me whether someone else enjoys themselves. All I can do is anticipate the obvious. I read something about worry yesterday that has stayed with me. It said, we all worry as though it was something we are supposed to do. We worry as if worry itself was a solution to our problems.
I realized out riding today that the best plan is to attempt to increase the enjoyment of each moment no matter what it is. Right now I am riding a lot, using cycling for my weight loss goal. Maybe I can create a fitness level that can last for many years. But that can't or won't be the only enjoyment in life. I have to connect with the other things I enjoy doing and also keep looking for new ones. Face it, cycling is hard work. Hiking is hard work. Almost everything worth doing requires effort. It is just a matter of finding the right combination of things that bring fulfillment and peace. Things which fill up the emptiness and light the dark.