Sara rides...

Sara and I rode the New Rocky Mount Road today. The woods have turned on the Autumn colors for us. Today the REDS were especially pretty. Some of the Sourwood trees were are red as fire. We got started a little later this morning and with the combination of Central Standard Time, we avoided the early morning chill. The little old tandem isn't shifting as sweet as I would like. It may be time to invest in a better dérailleur. We were able to explore down some of the side roads even though the pine straw had built up making traction a little worse. Sara pedaled strongly through most of the ride. On the way back, we rolled out and hit 25 mph on some flat stretches. Sara had fun and so did I. This has to become a weekly event. There were a couple of climbs that weren't as much fun for her. We had to push hard to get up them and her muscles started to burn. It gets better as she rides more.

A nice ride...

My ride this morning was a 16 miler on the black tandem with Sara. She had mentioned wanting to ride on Friday so we planned it and made it happen. I think she enjoyed it enough to want to do another. Getting to ride only once a week might not produce a lot of aerobic benefit, but the togetherness of Dad and Baby Girl might prove to be valuable. I enjoyed the company and hope we do it again the next Sunday we have a chance.

Sara-Today is your birthday...

Well, you aren't a teenager any more! I was remembering that day 20 years ago when you were born. Your Mother had been in labor for a long time. We were told that the second time went faster than the first. It wasn't true. We had been at the hospital for a long time. Finally the delivery nurse said you were ready to come. Dr. Robinette pulled you out and said, "its a little sister!" I took you into the nursery like I did with Nikki. Once you were bathed, weighed, and wrapped up, they put you in a little bed. I stood there and watched you sleep quietly. I waited for a while watching you. The family had been waiting for you to come but once you were here and there were no problems, we all went somewhere for some sleep. The next day was hectic for me. I had been away from work and had to go in. Then the next day when I returned to pick you both up, the car broke down and I spent the morning at a garage. That wasn't how I wanted to spend that morning. Finally I got there and picked up you and your Mom. We drove home and I put you in a portable crib in our living room. Nikki was staying with Maw-maw and Paw-paw. For a while, I just sat there in the living room watching you sleep peacefully.

Now that day is 20 years in the past but it doesn't seem like that long. I mentioned to you the big difference in being 20 is how fast the next 10 years will fly. I remember turning 20 after what seemed like an eternity. Then suddenly I was 30. Most of the really wonderful things that happened to me occured during that decade of my life. It was a decade of changes.

Letters to Sara - Christmas Tradition

Here we are less than 2 weeks till Christmas. We are observing many of our traditions. Pajamas have been purchased. The presents have almost all been wrapped. Cookies and candies are made and being made. Plans for travel have been finalized. The tree sits decorated in the living room. Santa Claus and Grammy sit in front of the fire place. Everything waits for Christmas Eve. But none of this is exactly as it was for your Mother or I when we were little. My Dad didn't make much of Christmas. Oh, we had a Christmas tree but after a while it was me putting it up. The most faithful one about having a Christmas tree was my Grandmother Odessa. We would search the woods for a cedar with a good shape and cut it and drag it back home. then we would decorate it with some simple ornaments and tinsel. Sometimes we strung popcorn and put the strands around the tree. The cedar smell would fill the little house. There wasn't any waiting for Christmas morning. I remember my Dad giving me an electric train one year. I asked him if there really was a Santa Claus and he said no, the presents came from him and Mother. I must have been 4 or 5 years old. When you kids came along, I knew I wanted Christmas to be a lot more. That's why we adopted so many of those little Christmas traditions. I learned that it is anticipation that is the most fun. Waiting to see what you get was agony but a sweet agony. It is wanting things that is the fun. The having of it often isn't as great as we had hoped. I remember how you guys really enjoyed some of the simplest, most inexpensive toys. The Spot Firehouse that I brought home from the store was one of the biggest hits. Another year a small tent was the hit. It was my hope to make Christmas a mystery. Make sure you never knew everything you would get so some package would be a surprise. Giving truly is better than receiving. Getting is something of a lesser experience. It turns out that getting everything you want is the shortest path to unhappiness. I hope you appreciate Christmas. There are lots of ways to express appreciation. I believe the most meaningful way will be taking the experience and creating your own Christmas tradition and remembering Christmas times past.

Letters to Sara - Life as a Gift

I was reading from Tony Robbins this morning. His comment was to look at life as a gift. I think that is a beautiful way to view our existence. It makes one feel as if we are chosen. As if we are special. But that really doesn't describe how we get life. Our lives come to us more like Branches sprouting from the trunk of a tree. We depend on everyone who has come before us because we are made of the combining of genetic information created by countless pairings back to the dawn of existence. The fact that we have made it so far is remarkable. Bill Bryson in his book about the history of everything said we should feel fortunate that all our ancestors were attractive enough to find mates and lucky enough to live sufficiently long to have children. That is an impressive string. Every ancestor before us was attractive and healthy enough to find a mate and have kids so that we are where we are. When we are looking at our family tree as you did in that class, we can only go back so many generations. Your cousin Joe said part of our shared family tree goes back to the Merovingian kings of France and to Charlemagne. He said that in a different fate, we would be living in Buckingham Palace in England because we are directly related to Henry the something??? Like it matters anyway. Mostly we don't pay attention to those distant relations. We look to parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. Why? Probably because the farther back we look, the less relation we bear to those ancestors. Think of it. I contributed 1/2 your genetic makeup (approximately). Your grandparents a fourth. Great-grandparents 1/8th and so forth. By the time we get back to those so long ago, we might be more related to the local inhabitants of our area than our direct ancestors. Apparently our looks aren't the only things passed on by heredity. Perhaps our behavior and personality come through as well. Take any small animal for instance. They have much of their behavior hard wired in so they know what to do upon birth. A human baby knows how to nurse immediately. There are differences in how these things are expressed. These differences come from the contributions of each family. If we are observant, we can see ourselves in our families. It is these similarities that make up a part of the family bond. I think I sought out a partner whose family was like my own in many ways. But when I look at my own family, I can see many parts of myself. I can see parts of the prior generation in the next. I think this is the "gift". It is a window into our own souls. We can see parts of ourselves clearly in their lives. It can helps us know who we are. It gives us a guide for the future. There were things about my Dad that I didn't like. But there were many things that I did. But like or dislike, I am like him. I am my Father's son. And that has helped me at times to understand myself. Having characteristics like both my Mother and Father has not been easy to keep reconciled within my own mind. They have given me examples of courage, perseverance, fortitude, and strength that I hope if the need arises some day, I can model as well. So my being alive is not a gift from them. It is a result. But the people they were and how that shapes me, that is the gift.

Letters to Sara - Thanksgiving

As I went through college, I learned that the whole concept of Thanksgiving had been concocted so that it was more like a fantasy than reality. The Indians sitting down with settlers to have a big meal was simply false. The idea of being thankful is something I approve of. But we are often thankful to the wrong one. It was really something to go to your Grandparent's and Maw Maw Johnson's for Thanksgiving dinner. They really put on a feast. I've never seen the like of food and pie and cake and candy. those folks really knew how to eat. What they were doing was sharing the work and sweat and labor of their lives with the people they cared about. Every mouthful of food represented work that they could have kept for themselves that they shared. They traded all that work for the joy they shared with all of us eating till we thought we would explode. Our contentment was more important to them than their own. And what do we take away from these family get-togethers? Memories. It is interesting what things we remember. It is impossible to remember everything. Just try remembering what you did on this very day 10 years ago. You have an idea of what you must have done but unless something really different occured, you don't remember the specifics. What I remember about last Thanksgiving was David eating Cranberry sauce off a spoon for Paw Paw. But I remember pieces of many Thanksgiving dinners which form a composite memory of how good those days were. Having those good memories are important. We can build our own memories. What do we hold onto? Do we cling to the best of them?

Letters to Sara - The Future

I wish I could have known the future when I was a teen but I am sure I could not have understood it if I had been shown. The world changed a lot. I thought about a funny quotations I read once upon a time. Yogi Berra had said, "the future ain't what it used to be." It isn't . Nor will it ever be. When I graduated high school, the space program was in full swing. We had landed on the moon and returned several times. the Viet Nam war had ended. There had been an oil embargo that had driven the price of gas high and everyone spoke of ending our dependence on foreign oil. Pollution control devices had been added to cars. No one was openly gay. There were only 10 or 12 stations on cable television. There were no cell phones. No one stayed in touch with a phone stuck to their head all the time. In pharmacy there were fewer than 1/2 the drugs that are available now. We didn't know how Aspirin worked!

I was headed out into life with a few notions of what I wanted in my own future. I wanted someone to love who would love me back. I wanted to have the same kind of comforts my parents had. You know, car, home, tv, stuff... I wanted children. Not just one but two. Nikki got what I always wished for, a little sister. To be honest, I didn't see any of it happening. Who would want to marry someone like me? I remember sitting on the porch with Caleb (that black and white dog...remember) and telling him I guess I'd just be alone. Then I met your Mother. She seemed to want the same things from life as me. To be honest I thought I might better go ahead and ask her to marry me because I didn't think I was going to get a better chance. Your Mom was bold and flirtacious. I was quiet and timid. Now I am sitting here looking back at where we have come to. Some of it has turned out better than I expected. Some of it hasn't. There have been unexpected joys and sorrows. My plan was to work and earn our living, create a comfortable place, and try to pay for my own raising. It didn't seem that complex. Perhaps I should have read more how-to books or sought more advice. In any event, it is what it was. So "Now" is my future. What will be your future. You will have one without a doubt.......

Letters to Sara - Home

When I was a little boy, I sat on my swing-set in my Great-grandmother's yard and looked over toward Bull's Gap. My Grandmother Odessa called them Blue Mountains. They seemed far away to me. I thought it would be a great adventure to go there and see what was beyond them. Later as a teen, I would drive my car up to that mountain top and look back into the valley where Sylacauga and the area of all my childhood ramblings lay. I saw this whole area as home. My Grandmother Odessa had told me about our indian heritage. About that same time two of the biggest heroes on television were Daniel Boone and the Lone Ranger. They both had Indian friends who were their sidekicks. So the idea of being Indian was cool. As my understanding of the politics of the settlers coming into Alabama grew, I knew that most of the Indian's were displaced and their land stolen. It made me feel like I belonged here more since some of my ancestors were here before the white men came. So many of my and your ancestors are buried in the land here, they could practically fertilize the trees. This makes this area home to me.

But on a personal level. I think of my home as where your Mother and you kids are. If there ever was a singular moment that defines home, it would be on Christmas eve when you girls were opening up pajamas and getting ready for bed in expectation of presents. Paw Paw and Maw Maw always came because when they asked what I wanted for Christmas I would ask for snow, but then seriously ask for the family to be together. Now I realize that our house becoming the focus of the Holidays is an evolving thing. At one time my grandmother Castleberry's house was the focus. My father didn't celebrate Christmas like that so we really didn't draw folks together but then our house became it. I always wanted to celebrate Christmas the traditional way with food, presents, tree, traditions... the whole thing. Now you girls are in that transitional place where you are almost ready to be on your own. You will have your own traditions and the Holidays will take on a different focus. Once upon a time my home was with my parents. Then it was with you girls and your mom. And now, it is changing again. Where we make home changes and that is just a part of living. Just don't forget where home used to be or the people who made it home.

Letters to Sara - Curiosity

It has been said that curiosity killed the cat. There are lots of cat fables. Fables are an effort to distill a truth down to a simple lesson that is easy to remember. Whenever something gets simplified, it is easy for the point to be missed or the lesson to take on a different meaning than the intent. That comes from losing the context of the lesson. If you knew the story of the lesson, then you can understand the point more clearly. Curiosity is not something to be avoided. In fact, curiosity about things in life can be very useful. But taking risks to satisfy curiosity can be dangerous. A safer way to satisfy curiosity is to observe others. There is an unlimited supply of people who have tried almost everything life has to offer. We can learn from them. We can avoid many heartaches and pitfalls by doing so. The greatest use of curiosity is to drive us toward education. There is so much more we humans don't know than we know. But the sum of our knowledge is great. It would take many lifetimes to experience it. We can experience life in many ways through learning. There is a great satisfaction in wondering why or how something works, and then learning about it.

Letters to Sara - Caution

By working in the pharmacy, you understand being careful. Carelessness can hurt people. And being negligent about care can make you responsibile for this harm and cost you. The same is true in all aspects of life. Lack of caution can hurt. I came very close to killing Mike Sherrill because we didn't apply caution about a canoe trip. We went down Hatchet Creek when it was at flood stage. Not just any flood stage, it was a 100 year flood. The flood had washed out a major bridge. That day the canoe flipped and trapped Mike against some logs in the creek. At first, I didn't think I was going to have enough strength to lift it off him. If it had set down on his chest rather than his legs, he would have died. If I hadn't been strong enough to get it off his legs, he would have died in the cold water before I could have returned with help. Apparently the age I was at that time has been associated with risk taking behavior. That is probably why that age range has the high death rate it does. The greatest chance of harm comes when we are in an environment where we don't have control. On the creek, the waves and water were greater than a person's strength. No chance of control. But even minor circumstances can take our control away. They take our control but not the responsibility. The world makes us responsibile for behavior. The greatest influence on my risk taking behavior was recognizing that I had responsibilities. Also I changed when I understood where that behavior could take me. I realized that you and Nikki might need the things that I could provide. I looked forward to many things that I would enjoy and could explore as the future unfolded. All we have is our life. And that life can end. Or the choice we've made can make it misery. So it makes sense to choose carefully. What you do today affects tomorrow. This week affects the next. This year.... and so on. I was talking to Mr. Kirk last night. He had told Justin that he had the choice of being happy or not and it was really up to him. Whether in his job, or life, or where-ever! That attitude is pretty much right. But we can make that life so hard by choosing things which burden us. It is like being on a long hike. Our choices are like the weight we carry. We can burden ourselves or make the load light. But the responsibilites of life make the trip what it is. Other choices we make determine how far we have to go to get where we are going. Life makes getting to the destination necessary.

Letters to Sara - Bravery

Bravery isn't the dramatic, powerful act you often see in movies. Well, it can be but bravery often is a simple act that no one sees. Bravery is doing the right thing even when it costs us personally. It is doing the right thing when no one is there to see. It is doing the right thing even when it is unpopular. Bravery is telling the truth and taking that chewing out. When you are tired and want to let down and take the easy route, you must be brave and do what you are supposed to do. Bravery is reaching for a little more than you are capable of achieving and trying hard anyway. Bravery is sticking up for the little guy when everyone is bringing them down. Bravery is taking responsibility for your own choices in your life and not blaming circumstances or others with failure. Bravery is finding yourself where you shouldn't be and asking for help to get yourself out of it.

It takes so much bravery to handle every day living because of a single fact. Life is short. Our expected life span is around 85 years. By the time we are 20, we've used up 1/4th of that life. These years you enjoy now will never come back. The years after will be different because we change as we get older. You probably have noticed that most professional athletes have retired by their 30's. We gain weight. Our eyesight fails. We move toward our ultimate fate. Some of our behaviors move us there more quickly. So we are all dying! It takes guts to face that.

Letters to Sara - Acceptance

There will always be things you don't like about the world, about the people in it, about the things you have to do, and about people who are your family. This is because everyone pursues his own dreams or ideals. Lots of people don't give much thought to the other person. This isn't because they just don't care or because they want to bring you discomfort. It is just a fact that people serve themselves. In life, nature built in some survival instincts that cause mothers or fathers to love and nurture their children. It is hardwired into us and it comes easily for some people. The same is true of a family to some extend. The members of the family carry over these nurturing feelings to the greater group out of a sense of belonging and alikeness. That doesn't mean that people dissappoint you, even close family members. Sometimes we are being hurt by people close to us who never realize. It would be nice if we could read minds. That way we could sense these hurts and do something about it. Sometimes things happen to us in the world that we can take personally. it is my belief that very little of it is meant personal. Oh, it seems personal alright, but it isn't. You just happen to be in the right place to be on the receiving end of something. There are things that happen that we'd like to see changed or different. There has always been an interest in fairness. Someone once said the world isn't fair. It hasn't been in my view. I see people who do horrible things get away with them without punishment. I see people get applause and love who don't really do anything to deserve it. If you dwell on such things, it will only let bitterness grow within you. Bitterness is a poor thing to grow. A little bitterness can spoil the joy in anything. When I walk or ride in the forest, I find where people have disposed of their household trash in piles along the road spoiling the natural beauty. Bitterness is like that. Still much beauty remains but you can't see it for looking at the trash . That's why I have to accept it as it is and try to see the beauty that still remains. It doesn't mean I like it, or approve of it, or will do it myself. Let's say I'm talking about someone who has wronged me. Why forsake the good things that can be drawn from that relationship because of a part I don't like? This is what I call acceptance. There won't be anyone we will like all the time for the rest of our lives. They are going to do stuff that hurts us. They will let us down because they are human. We will let others down because we are human. We will let ourselves down. It is important to recognize that fact and get past it. We have to accept our frailty if we are to get to the "beauty". Philosophers talk about the world having a "duality". If there is beauty then there must be ugly. If there is pleasure, then there must be pain. You get the idea. And nothing comes 100% pure. This is a fact. You have to accept some bad with every good and some ugly with every pretty. But we can't make these conditions responsible for our condition or happiness. That is our own doing. I don't mean making the bad out to be something it isn't. I am talking about changing the perspective to encompass the good. The world is to a large degree controlled by our perception. It is what we make it. Seeing the good in things is like scraping the merangue off our Key Lime pie. I accept that to have things in life we have to work and earn them. That the things worth having don't come easily. Hard work pays off. All education is valuable. I hear people say that they don't care what other people think. It is a good thing to care what good people think of us. The values that work for us as a society make life better for each of us as individuals. We can spend a lot of wasted time trying to get around it, or you can accept and participate in it the way it has worked for time on end.