diddlee

Bill Watterson This is about as clear as I can find. All that wondering what should have been or shouldn't. No explanation of why it happens or where it comes from but there obviously isn't someone to "blame". Here is a puzzle: Identical twins growing up together have the same genes, family environments, and peer groups, but the correlations in their traits are only around 50 percent. Ergo, neither genes nor families nor peer groups, nor the interactions among these factors, can explain what makes them different. Researchers have hunted for other possible causes, such as sibling rivalry or differential treatment by parents, but none has panned out. As with Bob Dylan's Mister Jones, something is happening here but we don't know what it is. My own ...

Bev tells me that the children are coming to the house for lunch because of my birthday. This is a surprise. It may simply be part of those feelings I've had trouble coping with but I haven't felt like my life has meant very much. It has been a point of ironic humor that my nickname is "diddlee". My own diagnosis of my problem calls for me to attempt to be positive, confident, and heroic as I attempt to remedy my emotional state. I have faced a world of disappointment over the past 6 years. It is time to let it go and move forward. Past time. There is wonder left to find in the future. There is no way to know what is waiting ahead. Now is all I have. I have to stop wasting it. Joe called to wish me well but when he called I was occupied in the bathroom and missed it. Maybe he can call back tomorrow night. He had called the house first and spoken with Bev. I really appreciate the friendship I have with him. Of all the cousins, he is the best guy to spend time with.

I think I have found out what is going on with me lately. I must be having the old fashioned mid-life crisis. I read over some descriptions in Psychology Today and it fit right down to the ground. Funny thing is I am feeling all these things and I didn't know where it was coming from or why. These pointers included some others which included losing weight, exercise and getting checkups. I think I have those covered. Among these others, they are long on what but short on how. But some of them hit close to what my intuition was telling me. Living in the moment is essential. Books and music are therapeutic. Reduce stress and worry. Stress is a major source of trouble for men in midlife. Reduce stress by living life in the present , letting go of control, dealing with negative emotions and learning to prepare for what is expected and unexpected. Embrace a sexuality appropriate to the second half of life . Young men are often focused on a kind of sexuality that is based on...

I was reading on the NPR website and found a few essays that echoed my experience. One of them contained the "50% Theory". It has been observed that we easily cling to that which supports our own beliefs so I don't want to make that error here, but without straying too far into positivism I can see how one can remain optimistic with a creed like this one yet remain sufficiently pragmatic so one can meet adversity realistically. He wrote: I believe in the 50-percent theory. Half the time things are better than normal; the other half, they are worse. I believe life is a pendulum swing. It takes time and experience to understand what normal is, and that gives me the perspective to deal with the surprises of the future. Steve Porter Understanding what normal is! I can say that I still don't know what normal is. I can say that it is very different from what is was even a few years ago and radically different from what it was in my youth. That difference is in large part d...

I don't think this would be a very interesting goal after thinking about it. I am not motivated by numbers. Lots of folks ride 99 miles and just have to do another mile so they can say they have ridden a century but not me. A better goal might be to see if I can get in a ride every day rather than keeping up with how far I am riding. I don't really see myself getting worked up over time trials either. I just don't care how long it takes. If I am to improve my strength and endurance, I simply must put in more quality riding. I'll have to balance that against my day to day life, obligations, work, kids, grand-kids, home....everything. I also have to avoid overdoing it and breaking my strength down rather than building myself up. I think I am doing enough right now but could improve the quality of the time. That might actually be a better goal. But when riding tandem, I have to stay within Bev's limits.

I think I might have an idea. Who knows how you go about writing a book so I suppose I'll just begin the process and see where it goes. The working title will be "If Only". I will write about a second chance. Immortality seems like a boring droll condition to me. That is a notion I will explore in the book. There is also the notion that we are not the selves that lived out past even though we remember it as such. But writing may be a big sacrifice of time for me. Right now my time is dominated by everyone else and my possessions. I don't know how I will find the time. Thank goodness I feel better today. There remains a little of the tiredness and sickness but it is manageable. I would really like to get up tomorrow and ride the bike a little while but it would be difficult to get out in the cold morning. I also have David's bed in the back of the truck. I need to take Nikki's TV over along with the other Christmas goodies. Maybe Thursday. In some sense I wish ...

Write a book Ride 4,489 miles (distance from Sylacauga to Paris) Backpack the Pinhoti (invite Kentucky group) Learn to play guitar Change jobs Get muscular (to match slimmer body) Resume Karate studies/Tai Chi Stretching