Maxwell Atticus Simon

Welcome to planet Earth. The little fellow weighed in at 8lbs 2 oz and 20 inches. I don't think he appreciates the attention he was getting at the moment. This was apparently during his weighing in and bath time. This is the time that they stick the heel for some blood work. Poor little fellow. It doesn't get much better for us. The Buddha said, "life is suffering." Ain't it the truth! But there will be some pretty nice moments. Witnessing the miracle of new life is one of the better ones. I am glad to see some males coming to the family. All those years outnumbered by the women of the house have taken a toll. Now maybe we can see some manly influence for a change.

Happy trails...

I spent a good portion of yesterday working on the mountain bike trails up around the watersheds. Nobody else showed up. so much for all those folks wanting to help put in the trail. It isn't surprising. This is probably a foretaste of how much help there will be when we get the Lake Howard trail put in place. I doubt there will be very many people helping keep it open. Now there is an idea to put on a Saturday event up at the Lake to bring in lots of people, have some food, and get a couple of rides going. I probably need to call a meeting for next week and let the particulars get together to get things rolling. I will be working.

Tomorrow morning, Nikki goes into the hospital to have her baby. Maxwell Atticus Simon. We have been working to get their home cleaned up to a tolerable level. Now the work begins in earnest. David will spend the night with us. So tomorrow we will get up early and head to the hospital.

Pale blue dot...

To my mind, there is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. Carl Sagan

I don't have to look very far to find something that reminds me how small we are in the scale of things. I think that dwelling on such things was one way I kept myself in a perpetual state of melancholy. That was my desire when I was a teen. I loved to marinate in misery. It let me keep some of my impulses to laughter or merriment in check. I smile even now about those days. My hero was "Mr. Spock". I strove to be a distant, controlled being like him. With it I was fooling myself about how well I was handling all the grief and pain that comes with growing up. Also, it affirmed my own feelings of worthlessness. I had a poor self image in many ways and deluded myself about my strengths. It is miserable being a kid. Now I don't see my insignificance as a problem. It is actually comforting. It tells me not to expect too much of myself. It tells me to pay attention to life and all its details because of its rarity. And my lifetime, in the scale of the cosmos, is an extremely short lived event.

Life flashes

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
Terry Pratchett

Pratchett reminds me of Douglas Adams. They seem to have the same kind of humor. They take a familiar phrase and rework the obvious to make you see it again for the first time. It is so true about it being a flash. Our lifetimes rush by and are over so quickly. Perspective wise, as youths we feel immortal. By middle age, we sense the impending end. That awareness comes like the first cool morning of Autumn. As we enter our old age, either we become immersed in the fading twilight or approach the inevitable with a happy abandon. I want to be the latter. If I have the good luck to retain my stamina in those years, I see myself traveling, biking, hiking, and generally enjoying my physical self. If I keep my mind sharp, I will continue to learn and read all I can. What comes next? I expect it is something like the time before we became aware. The universe has unfolded over some 14 billion years in which I awakened 50 years ago. While the atoms that constitute me were hurtled through the expansion of the cosmos there was no "me." Finally they all found their way to organize in a pattern that was myself and while that lasts, "I am". And after they have disorganized and gone their separate ways perhaps to disperse across the galaxy and to never find one another again, I will be beyond any harm.

Shores of the cosmic ocean...

Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards.
Fred Hoyle (1915 - 2001)

Amazing to think that I am much closer to 'space' than I am to Florida! Sagan talked about how we "stand on the shores of the cosmic ocean" and look outward. It really hits home when you look at it like this. We live at the bottom of a gravity well thank goodness! That gravity, weak as it may be, is enough to keep that tenuous atmosphere over our heads. That atmosphere is our protection from cosmic rays and solar radiation. It shields from small meteors. Its constituents are what we breathe. I think we look upward toward the planets, the sun, and the myriad stars and envision the gulf of distance between them without understanding just how little separates us from its vacuum. Sobering thought that all the pollution we pump out has a relatively small volume to dissipate in. I've spent many a summer night lying in my driveway as a teen just staring up at the stars for no other purpose than to admire their beauty. It gave me a feeling of awe like nothing else. I remember spending time lying in the grass at the old house in Oldfield just staring at the fluffy white clouds that glided across the sky. Occasionally the view would be broken by a propeller plane that would drone slowly across the horizon. I think that is why many folks are fascinated with weather. We realize that all of it is a part of ourselves and we a part of it. There is nothing in our world that we can stand apart from.

Happiness...

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961)

If I were to attempt to explain Hemmingway's position I would conclude that 'knowledge' of the workings of the world reveals to us what a dangerous place we live in. Anything from the tiny virus to crashing meteors may loom ominously over our lives. Science tells of myriad ways we may face global extinction. The daily news brings story after story of inhumanity, war, or intolerance to our doorstep. We consume a steady diet of fear from our news sources. Our consumer based society spares no expense telling us how many ways we miss the mark from not having the right look or the right clothes or the latest car or the most frenetic vacation. Although this quotation originated in the 60's, it seems especially true nowadays. The media and advertisers have had 40 years to refine their techniques and know very well how to get at our insecurities and vices. I realize now that I spent a lot of time unhappy over many of my adult years with moments of happiness interspersed. It is more surprising that I am happy now. If I have experienced a sudden decline in intelligence, it was worth it. The past few years have been unhappy ones. There was much I expected from the kids. Actually, I only expected them to seize the opportunity in much the same way I and their Mother did. Take advantage of the college experience and move forward into life with options. They haven't. The expectation of their success and the plans I had based on that path left me lost and bewildered. The length of time I foresaw it would take to go from a child/parent relationship to a your children as your friends relationship swelled farther into the future. It was/is a great sadness. But in the midst of that I Bev found a way to spend time together. It has been a blessing. Those moments when we are off together on vacation or hiking or riding the bike renew the happiness of living. These simple activities have been a saving grace to me. But I think the ability to appreciate them had to be relearned. My expectations had to be aligned with the current reality. I read a suggestion that we "live in the moment". What exactly is that? For me it was slowing down and drinking in those times when everything seems right or beautiful. It mean't putting down what I was doing and observing. It mean't taking what we are given and making the most of it. It still takes effort. My goal is to allow myself to be in the moment effortlessly.

Knollwood...

I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence. ~Doug McLeod

We went to church this morning. This afternoon, the ladies of the church were giving Nikki and Jeanette a diaper shower. That was nice of them. No one told either parent though! That seems odd. Robbie Grames gave the message. He introduced some wit to his message but rambled from thought to thought very much like my own musings when I am alone hiking or riding. My mind covers a lot of ground. Lately my thoughts return to family concerns. I am sure I sound like a broken record to Bev, but she is really the only person I have left that I feel I can talk to about it. I don't trouble friends or relations anymore because I feel it has already been talked to death. Maybe the same is true at home. What purpose is all that concern. The parties themselves aren't concerned. Perhaps I shouldn't worry about it. That is easy to say but difficult to do.

Beautiful Autumn Day...

This morning started cool but turned into a beautiful blue sky Fall day. I got out for a short bike ride but Bev was feeling achy from the coolness. Makes me wonder how much bike riding she will be able to do during the cool/cold months. It will soon be time to get out on the mountain bikes. In fact, this wednesday may be the first day to change over from road riding. It sure is easy to get in a lot of work on the road bike. Much easier than mountain biking. I have been going over the tandem with the thought of upgrading to 7 or 8 speed indexed shifting. Unfortunately there are too many things to consider. I guess the best approach is to favor function until something utterly fails then do something else.

Belief...

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.
Gerry Spence, 'How to Argue and Win Every Time'

I have been reading a lot about belief systems lately. Although most of the discussion comes from people who don't value faith or belief, there is a good case for an anthropomorphic origin for all of our religious activities. The same patterns repeat over and over within various religions. It may be that the similarities aren't copied from each other as much as they are fundamental to our innermost expression of what GOD is! We create lesser gods in our hero myths. They too follow a pattern that is recognizable. That may be what has become so boring about television and movies. There simply isn't any story that can be related that offers a fresh view. Our imagination is severely bounded and our intelligence fails. Our minds may be bound up in these codes. Our whole experience as a person may be limited to a set of prearranged responses and stimuli. When exposed to a hero or god myth, our response may be just as determined as our physical structure.

David turns 3 years old...

Time passes so quickly! I was looking at the photo of David with his Elmo cake from last year. We celebrated at the Williamson's. This time, David has a new home here in Sylacauga. I went over early this morning and assembled the play structure we got from Toys R Us. He is intent in play with the tools given to him by Uncle Andy. We took his cake and presents over to his favorite playground for a little party. He had cups, plates, napkins, and a table cloth with images from the movie "Cars" on them. I think he will enjoy his play place for years to come. It gives him a cave to hide in, a steering wheel for driving his boat, tubes to crawl through, and lots of room for imagination. Maw maw got to see their new home first hand. I am not sure what she thought but maybe it cleared things up a bit for her. Sara got to come. We all enjoyed our time with our Birthday Boy.

Strength

What does not kill me makes me stronger. Albert Camus

Since this year began I have worked for weight loss and improved performance for bike riding. I rode in 4 centuries and 6 metric centuries. I rode the Cheaha Challenge. That was the most difficult thing I have ever done. In June, I acquired a tandem bike and Bev and I began riding together. Since then, I have hardly missed a day of riding. Although we don't cover that many miles, the effort is there. I find myself tired a lot these days. I have lost no more pounds but have lost more inches. I do find that I can get more work out of myself. Where I used to go ride 30 miles and come home to lie on the couch, I can come home and get busy working on the yard or haul 10 wheelbarrow loads of soil to the upper side of the house. So I believe in a very true sense, I am stronger. But in an equally true sense, I am weak! I have lost muscle mass since I began my program in January. I am in need of a strength training regimen. Right now that is impossible. I haven't any more time for exercise. My plan is to take Bev riding and help her fitness improve so we can ride the Bike Safari come April of 2007. She is ready right now and would surprise herself if we were leaving tomorrow. By April she will be really fit and ready for any length ride except maybe the 100. That is a long time in the saddle. I can see some changes in her form already. Nothing major yet but some subtle change none the less. It will take more than a few months to effect the kind of change that makes you take notice. But it will come.

Humor

The secret source of humor itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. Mark Twain

What is humorous about sorrow? Every function in the human organism has its opposite. Imagine that each of us find many stimuli to be sorrow producing. It follows that other compensatory emotions may proceed from other stimuli. So in a sense the stimuli produce sorrow and in turn the sorrow becomes a stimuli that evokes humor which in turn is a stimulus. So it may simply be compensatory mechanisms no different from the synaptic releases that regulate blood pressure or respiration. The sophistication of the nuances of mind and thought create new thought from the constant arranging and rearranging of pieces of memory. This gives no solace and reduces the experience of joy/sorrow simply a dance of molecules between synapses.

On a conscious level, our humor in the face of sorrow may simply be our recognition that we are in fact the cause of our suffering. Despite our best efforts we have a hard time getting things right. Have you ever made a mess of something and realized simultaneously that you knew better? No matter how smart we seem to be, no matter how much planning or fail-safe prevention we put into our works, we still screw things up! So often we are the source of our pain and, in a moment of genius, we realize our shortcomings and are amused. Our ability to spot these shortcomings in others is much more acute.