My soul was sinking...far from the peaceful shore...

"And the devil will drag you under With a soul so heavy you'd never float. Sit down...Sit down....Sit down you're rockin' the boat."

It is tragic when your cherished beliefs are dashed. Don't think it can't happen to you. We all carry some pet delusion with us at all times. And I think if we really saw ourselves for what we are, we'd be too depressed to function. My studies have taken me to the realm of the Cosmos. It is daunting to come to realize how big it all is. I've been lost in the awe of a clear starry night since I was a boy. But that view of the night sky is made up of stars which are, at most, about 250 light years away. Even then, the stars that are visible are mostly very luminous large stars that are many times brighter and larger than our sun. When you take it to the limit, we find our observed universe is something on the order of 30 to 60 billion light years across. In all that there are 100 billion x 100 billion stars. We ARE tiny beyond any measure we can imagine. It would appear that there is no one behind a curtain. All the components are present to suggest things just came about. Improbable things became reality because of the size and scale of it. The most unlikely of events becomes a certainty when you consider the dimensions of the cosmos. So that's the reason we exist, but it isn't very satisfying. It leaves one in a cold and impersonal universe where there is no divine will or guide. Just the struggle of our adaptability against time and chance. Every adaptation's value is measured against survival. Individual survival being the ultimate value and group survival (reproduction) the next.