“Nice” is Not a Compliment
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NICE AND KIND.
BY NATASHA DELION
One of the worst things you can call someone is nice. Being called nice either means you are boring or fake. In my experience, most people I’ve encountered that were described as nice turned out to be the latter, yet each time I was still surprised.
I used to believe that it was a good thing when the general consensus for someone was that they were nice, but as I’ve continued to interact with many people like this, I’ve learned that it’s very much a hidden red flag. I wanted to believe that a nice person was on their way to being a kind person. I wanted to believe that everyone was trying to be better to themselves and to others, but I was too optimistic.
Niceness can be disguised as kindness which causes difficulty when differentiating between the two. I’ve mistaken someone’s niceness as kindness many times and each time I still felt betrayal when I came to the realization. I’ve learned to follow the guide of the following saying: actions speak louder than words.
Nice people often say or do things with the intention of receiving something back, most often the positive opinions of others. They do kind things in hopes to make people like them and trust them. It’s not to say that every nice person has malicious intentions; sometimes it comes subconsciously or regretfully. It’s human nature to want to be accepted by others.
Kind people say and do things with the purest intention of helping others. The kind people that I’ve encountered have inconvenienced themselves in order to help others. Doing something because you know it will make someone else’s day is the epitome of kindness.
Kind is one of the most wholesome and heartwarming compliments; maybe that’s why we don’t hear it used very often. We save the word for only the purest of souls and brightest of stars.
To live with kindness means to live authentically, intentionally, and compassionately; three of the most challenging things to do.
To live authentically means to be yourself in every way, shape, and form, disregarding anyone else’s distaste or envy because of it. Oftentimes, fear holds us back from authenticity. There is no guide to overcome this fear, it comes with time and intention.
To live intentionally is a little more complicated, yet just as important. Having purpose behind what you do brings more fulfillment than just trying to get it over with, even though as college students we often fall victim to that. This is, by far, the most difficult aspect of kindness because there isn’t one definition to living intentionally. Everyone has to decide what it means for them based on their own experiences, aspirations, and dreams, which makes it all the more impressive when one gets to that point.
Living compassionately means to be forgiving and understanding. Showing compassion towards someone is the clearest indicator of kindness. In my opinion, this is the most important aspect. Being compassionate can be not taking things personally. More often than not people’s actions are a reflection of themselves or because of struggles they may be facing that we may never know about. It’s important to keep in mind that we only know about a small fragment of someone’s life. In comparison, niceness, like mentioned before, often is used to benefit oneself and can prevent someone from considering aspects that would evoke compassion.
Becoming kind involves actively implementing authenticity, intention, and compassion into your life. Growth isn’t linear and there will be times where you may be nice instead of kind, but that is okay. Niceness is a good first step to becoming kind; actively noticing ways you can change your niceness to kindness will cause growth and bring self-awareness.
Kindness is all around us. It presents itself in the smallest actions like holding the door open for someone or saying please and thank you. When you pay attention to the small things like that, you’ll be able to recognize all the kindness the world has to give.
https://wakemag.org/online/2023/5/12/nice-is-not-a-compliment