Letters to Sara - Bravery

Bravery isn't the dramatic, powerful act you often see in movies. Well, it can be but bravery often is a simple act that no one sees. Bravery is doing the right thing even when it costs us personally. It is doing the right thing when no one is there to see. It is doing the right thing even when it is unpopular. Bravery is telling the truth and taking that chewing out. When you are tired and want to let down and take the easy route, you must be brave and do what you are supposed to do. Bravery is reaching for a little more than you are capable of achieving and trying hard anyway. Bravery is sticking up for the little guy when everyone is bringing them down. Bravery is taking responsibility for your own choices in your life and not blaming circumstances or others with failure. Bravery is finding yourself where you shouldn't be and asking for help to get yourself out of it.

It takes so much bravery to handle every day living because of a single fact. Life is short. Our expected life span is around 85 years. By the time we are 20, we've used up 1/4th of that life. These years you enjoy now will never come back. The years after will be different because we change as we get older. You probably have noticed that most professional athletes have retired by their 30's. We gain weight. Our eyesight fails. We move toward our ultimate fate. Some of our behaviors move us there more quickly. So we are all dying! It takes guts to face that.

Letters to Sara - Acceptance

There will always be things you don't like about the world, about the people in it, about the things you have to do, and about people who are your family. This is because everyone pursues his own dreams or ideals. Lots of people don't give much thought to the other person. This isn't because they just don't care or because they want to bring you discomfort. It is just a fact that people serve themselves. In life, nature built in some survival instincts that cause mothers or fathers to love and nurture their children. It is hardwired into us and it comes easily for some people. The same is true of a family to some extend. The members of the family carry over these nurturing feelings to the greater group out of a sense of belonging and alikeness. That doesn't mean that people dissappoint you, even close family members. Sometimes we are being hurt by people close to us who never realize. It would be nice if we could read minds. That way we could sense these hurts and do something about it. Sometimes things happen to us in the world that we can take personally. it is my belief that very little of it is meant personal. Oh, it seems personal alright, but it isn't. You just happen to be in the right place to be on the receiving end of something. There are things that happen that we'd like to see changed or different. There has always been an interest in fairness. Someone once said the world isn't fair. It hasn't been in my view. I see people who do horrible things get away with them without punishment. I see people get applause and love who don't really do anything to deserve it. If you dwell on such things, it will only let bitterness grow within you. Bitterness is a poor thing to grow. A little bitterness can spoil the joy in anything. When I walk or ride in the forest, I find where people have disposed of their household trash in piles along the road spoiling the natural beauty. Bitterness is like that. Still much beauty remains but you can't see it for looking at the trash . That's why I have to accept it as it is and try to see the beauty that still remains. It doesn't mean I like it, or approve of it, or will do it myself. Let's say I'm talking about someone who has wronged me. Why forsake the good things that can be drawn from that relationship because of a part I don't like? This is what I call acceptance. There won't be anyone we will like all the time for the rest of our lives. They are going to do stuff that hurts us. They will let us down because they are human. We will let others down because we are human. We will let ourselves down. It is important to recognize that fact and get past it. We have to accept our frailty if we are to get to the "beauty". Philosophers talk about the world having a "duality". If there is beauty then there must be ugly. If there is pleasure, then there must be pain. You get the idea. And nothing comes 100% pure. This is a fact. You have to accept some bad with every good and some ugly with every pretty. But we can't make these conditions responsible for our condition or happiness. That is our own doing. I don't mean making the bad out to be something it isn't. I am talking about changing the perspective to encompass the good. The world is to a large degree controlled by our perception. It is what we make it. Seeing the good in things is like scraping the merangue off our Key Lime pie. I accept that to have things in life we have to work and earn them. That the things worth having don't come easily. Hard work pays off. All education is valuable. I hear people say that they don't care what other people think. It is a good thing to care what good people think of us. The values that work for us as a society make life better for each of us as individuals. We can spend a lot of wasted time trying to get around it, or you can accept and participate in it the way it has worked for time on end.

Meaninglessness...

So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. Ecclesiastes 2:17

These words are said to be those of Solomon. Perhaps one of the richest kings ever to live on earth. He had everything you could have in that time of his life. And he was said to be wise. Perhaps that is why he undertakes the subject of meaning and happiness. Finding meaning in our modern world can be a challenge. I am referring to those who look for the meaning to be given by some outside agent. Currently we believe the world to be a product of 14 billion years of expansion that began with a "big bang". The fact that our awareness occurred was the result of a very unlikely series of events that, given the dimension and longevity of the universe, was perhaps inevitable. Inevitable, but not a particularly noteworthy event (except for us as individuals). The concept of our lives being this "inexorable eventuality of matter" leaves us inhabitants of a cosmos that is hostile and lonely. No being to nurture or care for us. We are left only with ourselves. A "family of man" with a particular bent for self-destruction. Although people like Carl Sagan believed that the myriad stars had planets on some of which thinking life arose, we could in fact be the only ones! And there is no brotherhood for us with our fellow creatures. We can quickly become a meal for a larger carnivore or even more quickly succumb to a tiny virus or bacteria. People say we are the Universe becoming aware of itself. This teleology is untrue. There is no awareness driving toward a creature like man. The Universe simply obeys predictable laws like gravity or magnetism. So if we are looking beyond ourselves for this meaning of our lives, I believe we won't find anyone there to reply. So that leaves ourselves or one-another. In a violent world, perhaps we should give ourselves meaning. So is life meaningless? Only if you say so.

What about happiness. To borrow a sentence from a book I read once but don't recall its title to give the author credit, if you took the universe and ground it up and sifted it you could not find one particle of happiness. Happiness isn't a thing. It resides in our minds. "I think, therefore I am". Can it be that simple? Well, YEAH! Why not? So how do you get happiness? First of all, happiness is an emotion. By definition, an emotion can't last all the time. Why? Synapses tire. Same reason you can't hold a weight at arms length all day. Emotions arise from the objects of our attention. Happiness fades when we allow emotions to arise which are its antithesis. You know, like fear, anger, worry, and so on. Somethings can be counted on to generate happy feelings. Others not so. Sometimes happiness arises from a complex set of circumstances. And then there is that old law of diminishing utility. The first few burgers when we are really hungry are great. But as we fill up, they become less appealing until we wouldn't care for another bite no matter that they were delicious. So to be happy what do you do. Firstly, acknowledge that happiness is temporary but find that which gives rise to happiness and innoculate as often as we can. At the same time realize that unhappy feelings share the same attributes of being shortlived and being driven by exposure to emotional triggers.

Easier said than done, huh!

What is twisted cannot be straightened...

In the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes, I found this quote which is reported to be from a king who was the richest and wisest of his time. My life has become twisted. This hasn't been this way always. For many years, life was great. We went along enjoying the things life was bringing. Everything seemed wonderful. Then at just the moment my children were to spring forward into adult life, everything took a turn. At this time of life when I expected them to be securing a future in college, they are squandering it as if life were without end. As though this time of their youth and vigor would be renewed endlessly. And all of this has added stress and care to every day and night. The worry comes from a deep concern that there is something I must do to work everything out. But when I heard this verse in church last Sunday, I felt its truth. Although I am finding it hard to put it into complete action, it is amazingly a fact. What has become twisted in these children's lives, I cannot straighten. Whatever they become, it will come out of the twistedness they have given themselves. And I should stop worrying so much before it kills me.

Moving back to evening shift...

Chad called tonight. He says his wife isn't happy with his work schedule. He wanted to know if I wanted to switch places with him. I told him I would. It would be a good change for me. I will find a lot more to do in the morning than I have in the evenings. This could be my answer for finding study time, riding time, working on the trail time, and getting away from all the daytime stuff. With the changes I see coming, I can rearrange again in the near future. I am not sure this change will repair what Chad finds wrong with his work. I've offered a temporary change to let him try it. It will rearrange all the bike ride opportunities. Most seem to be on my week off as it stands now.

Monday night ride...

Even though Paul didn't make it, we rode tonight. The usual trip to Sycamore. Twilight is coming quickly now. Maybe one more week before it is too dark to get back in time. I believe I am getting a little better. The climbs up the mountain went better today. I am about half way to some quick climbing. maybe a winter of spin class will help me. Losing weight would help a lot too.

Odena Loop

Rather than risk highway 148 with the failing light. We made a 19.4 mile loop over by the Drag Strip. Most of the route was good. Some of the hills slowed me down considerably.

I changed the title again. There are lots of other things that I want to blog. This can be my online diary.

Fayetteville-Cburg-Home

Yesterday I rode to Fayetteville with Paul and Eric. The trip was tiring. We covered 42 miles. I have felt better than in the past days. There is still something going on but I have a little more energy lately. Tonight, the club goes on a ride out toward Bull Gap. I don't know if I will be up to the whole trip but I plan on going. Thursday, Mother has a trip to Dr. Guthrie to remove staples.

Happy Birthday....

David is 2 years old today. Wow. It won't be long till he's in school. Our week starts off quickly wih a trip to Cullman to celebrate with Paw Paw. We can get some grass cut. Do whatever needs doing and come back home. Maybe be home by 5pm for the ride. I hope so.