To live forever...

They tell us that the universe began with a rapid expansion about 14 billion years ago. That carbon didn't become widely available till about 8 billion years ago. Our own solar system formed about 4 billion years ago. It really came as a shock to many that the universe as we know it had a beginning. Now it appears that it will also have an end. Although the parts of it are flying apart faster and faster, the individual elements will get wider and wider apart until the last star burns out and all falls into darkness and cold. I don't know why I would worry about it. My life will end within another 50 or so orbits around the sun. Maybe a lot fewer.

When I was reading some quotes from Carl Sagan, I ran across a photo he had made from Voyager looking back at a tiny speck in a dark sky. It was earth from 14 billion miles away. He commented on how every idea, person, dream, anything experienced by humankind had occurred on that tiny speck of dust. It was humbling. In the midst of all that nothingness, our significance fades. In the great distances between the stars, limited to the speed of light, it would take eternity to travel in it. And the trip would be excruciating boredom. Someone once said the universe was made from nothing, and the nothing shows through. To live and travel in that empty place....eternal life just wouldn't be all it cracked up to.

Sometimes when I speculate on the meaning of my life, I can't begin to comprehend the question. Other times it seems as simple as finding some joy, some comfort, and some pleasure in the day, then settling down for a long sleep. The thought that some particles of my being will ultimately be scattered amongst the incalculable distances of the Cosmos gives me solace. There will be no monument to my life in any of that, but something of me will endure.

Remembering my Father....

It is difficult to believe that 22 years have passed since my Father died.I have the proof directly in front of me in the form of a Daughter age 23 who was sitting in his lap playing with his gold chain at 8 months old. Or having my baby Daughter 20 now. It seems like a long time and at the same time, a very short time. I am now 49. Dad was 49 when his cancer was found and he had surgery. It looked like he might not survive the treatment. I remember going into the SICU after he came back from surgery and seeing him lying there with so many tubes and machines and feeling so hurt. Here was my larger than life Dad who was so tiny and hurt lying there on that bed! Just the day before we had gone over to a racket club and played a set of tennis. It was his passion. Now he was lying there fighting to live. Over the next weeks he continued to lose weight and be unable to eat. I think a turning point came one weekend he and Mother came down to our house in Lanett. Bev and I had started eating lots of Bryer's Ice Cream with all the toppings. Chocolate syrup, bananas, nuts, and whipped topping. When he was offered some, he accepted and was able to eat it and keep it down. It tasted good to him and he was able to nourish himself from it. He went on to gain back weight and went on to get back playing tennis again. He looked for the world like he had beaten the odds. But it wasn't to be. He began to have some pain in his side and it turned out to be the cancer coming back with a vengance. He died on May 29th of 1984 a little less than 2 months short of his 53 birthday.

Having arrived at that time of life myself, I realize how young he was. And I realize how much was left for him to live. There is no way I can know if I will live to great age or if some accident or disease will cut it short. But if I live over the next few years and beyond, I will be living those years for the both of us. I will remind myself that each day is a gift and that there are no guarantees. I find within myself traces of him. I sense him in some of my attitudes and feelings. I am my father's son.

Happy Father's day, Dad.

Making plans...

Here it is another Saturday with one more day till I have 7 days off. There is no trip planned for this coming week. We can't go too far because of the bike race that will be coming up next weekend. Right now it looks uncertain as to whether or not we will be pull of any of the event. Apparently there is a shortage of licensed USCF officials. Maybe we can pull it out. Anyway, that doesn't affect Monday thru Thursday! So maybe we should plan on getting over to Wind Creek or Cheaha for a few days. Cheaha sounds pretty good right now. Oops! I am forgetting about the Crit Committee meeting Monday night. Darn. That would delay our trip till Tuesday. By Thursday we would need to be back and getting our gear ready for the weekend. Maybe we can go for an overnight anyway.

By the next week I am off, it is July 4th holiday week. That will be a bad time to try to go camping at the lake. Perhaps there would be room up at Mount Cheaha! The next week I am off, I think I need to go up to Tennessee to Fall Creek State Park. Kirk and Cindy may be able to meet us there. I had thought about going all the way to Kentucky but who knows? Perhaps we should try to go to the Smokies with the RV and stay at Cades Cove. It will be cooler than at home. I'd love to ride my bike around the Cove a couple of times.

There isn't a bike event now till September. The next camping bike event will be October and November. Then I guess it isn't any time till Bike Safari comes around again. Funny how time flies. Who knows if it will be on my week off. Who knows if I will still be here at Coosa! There are lots of changes coming. If I were to bargain for 4 weeks of vacation and a much better hourly rate, I might go back to being a retail pharmacist. That way I could take vacation when I needed it and do these bike trips.

So it will be another Grandson...

Nikki called last night to tell us that they are 95% sure that this Grandchild will be a boy! That is okay with me but I think they wanted a girl to go with David. Boys are good though. That will make things simpler when they can share clothes. They will be born at nearly the same time of year so clothes can be handed down with some chance they will fit when needed.

I went to the safe deposit box and got out the gold necklace that Dad left to Nikki. I believe it is now the right time to give it to her. I hope she will cherish it and keep up with it. Dad loved her so much and wanted the best for her. I really understand those emotions now. We gave Sara the one Mother had saved for her. So that responsibility is gone.

There are a few more momentos that will go to one or another of the kids. Maybe go to a grandchild who displays interest in the item kind of like I did back when. Then in a generation more, all will be forgotten. Maybe I should document what is significant about each item so there will be some kind of record.

Riding in Western Tennessee

This past week I traveled to Clifton, Tennessee and rode in the Tour de Wayne. This ride was 71 miles of hilly country. Not quite like Cheaha, but a challenge none the less. The temperature soared to the mid 90's which made it a bit more difficult. It wasn't Cheaha though! I heard lots of people claiming they didn't think they were going to make it. I ran the distance with no problems. Just for a few minutes I had a cramp start in my right leg but after replenishing with gatoraid and water, it was fine. Mike was supposed to have met me there but he found a dance he preferred to attend. SO there I was riding solitary again. But that isn't all bad. Most everyone has a pace that they ride sometimes slower sometimes faster. That way I could ride my own pace and go faster or slower at my own discretion.

Bev didn't have the best time ever. The camping spots left a lot to be desired. I wasn't pleased either. The water wasn't good at the Marina. The Crazy Horse campground was a big rough. Next time we will stay in a State Park or ACE campground. Those RV parks just don't cut it!

Now there won't be a ride until fall. I have nothing planned for the rest of the month except our bike race. July won't have much going on so we will probably go see Kirk and Cindy. Then in August we go back to Navarre Beach. September will be the ride in Montgomery but I don't expect there to be much camping down there. I probably need to check out where the ride is going to be and try to get at Fort Tolouse.

Another week comes to an end...

I am really glad to be at the end of another workweek. Next week we take the camper off to Tennessee for 4 days. That will be fun. I am ready for it. One of those days will be spent on a 70 mile bike tour. Mike said he was coming down to ride that day. He also says that the terrain will make it difficult. Better still Bev and I will take David to some good places for hiking, camping, roasting marshmellows, and swimming. Then we will be back home for another working week.

My cycling is missing some training. I am riding the same way all the time. I need to vary the kind of pedaling I do. I need to spend some days pushing a big gear so I can gain hill climbing strength. Other days I need to go out and attack some hills. Either way I need to make those hill climbing gains.

I have loads of endurance now. I have ridden 4 centuries and 2 metric centuries this year. I can make a 40 mile ride easily now. I am missing my hiking. I want to get up to Kentucky and do a little with Kirk and Cindy.

Utter boredom...

I have roamed the internet until I am tired of looking. There isn't anything worth looking at. Funny. It gives you the whole world at your fingertips but after a while of looking, it all becomes the same. So many things that seem distinct are really the same experiences with the same emotions linked to them. There doesn't seem to be any really new ideas out there. Some of the information is startling though. I learned today that some National Parks are being used by drug cartels to grow pot and that some backpackers are being threatened by people because of it. Here I am upset because of littering and elsewhere people are growing dope or making drugs and blocking the use of the resource to regular citizens.

My tiredness was better today. I made a ride down to Fayetteville and around Cedar Creek. Usually I am ready for a nap by the time I get to work, but today I actually felt pretty refreshed. Between riding and mowing grass, I must have hit the right combination of sleep plus food. There is a ride scheduled for tomorrow morning but I don't think I can make it. Number 1, it is earlier than I want to get up. And number 2, it is with some folks who will likely leave me in their dust. I might as well ride alone.

Yesterday would have been my parent's 51st wedding anniversary. Dad has been gone for 22 years now. It doesn't seem like that long but here I am about the age he was when he died. Nikki is almost 23 and expecting her second child. And baby Sara will be 21 her next birthday. So this birthday I will be 50 years old. Our plan is to be in Navarre Florida for the event. We have enjoyed being there many times.

Once upon a time we speculated on what we would do if we became rich. One item that came up over and over was buying a condo at Navarre Beach. Lately the hurricanes have blown it away a couple of times. Each time they build it back. And each time it becomes a lot more expensive to stay there. We have been blessed to be able to go and stay so much. Some would argue the money would have been better spend in savings. My savings haven't fared so well. They have often lost money rather than gained. I don't expect to retire anyway. Just work till I am too old and have to quit.

Tomorrow morning is open for me. Bev is working. Nikki will have David till 2pm. I don't really want to ride again. Perhaps I will do nothing. There are lots of projects that need doing around the house. Most of them will require more time than I have before work. WIth any luck I can go back to sleep when Bev leaves then catch up on some sleep. I might also put on some shorts and lay out in the sun. Maybe take Sara and Mom for lunch somewhere. I suppose I could wash the camper! That would be a good job for a warm day. There is painting, wood treatment, pressure washing, and wall building galore. Maybe I will do some of it Monday.

A project for Nikki...

Today I took some wood to Chris's house and built some shelves for he and Nikki. They didn't turn out as sturdy as I had hoped so I may redo them. I am afraid they might let their load fall down while David is in the closet. I think I need to bring boards to span the closet or add a better brace to it. The board solution is what I am favoring right now. It was a hard morning's work for me. I barely had time to get dressed for work.

I continue to be so weary! I am just bone tired all the time now. I am getting enough calories in fact I have come up a couple of lbs so I need to reduce my intake a bit. I think I just need a morning doing nothing but what I want. Also these late nights may be the problem. Maybe I should have myself checked for anemia. Something has to give!

3 more days to work this week. Time flies by but these evenings are pretty long. And next week we are off to Tennessee for more camping and bike riding. I don't know how this trip will fare since we won't be in the same place twice. I wonder if it will feel like more work than fun. Any time we can campout with a fire and marshmallows it is fun. Riding all those miles will make eating a few marshmallows ok.