Another year gone by...

It was a year ago that I began posting on this site. I called it Bike Safari because I was using it to log the preparation for the bike ride in Florida. After the safari, I continued to post little notes about riding. Then I got the bright idea to just post whatever came to mind. Now I am sitting here just before the new year wanting to get down some ideas about how I am going to raise my fitness and lose that excess weight for the next year. Same old story. First of all, I know what must be done, I just don't want to do it. Next, I am using my food to combat my unhappiness. I have been depressed at times and compensated with the wonderful feeling food gives. My job that was so enjoyable has changed and will change more. I doubt it will be the real joy it once was especially if we don't get any more work out of the people that are there. The degree I hoped to get through Auburn is really becoming a bore. The people putting the information on the sites have been tardy for the last 3 semesters leaving me to scramble to finish. My determination has waned. Now I am looking at what I really want from life over the next year. I don't think Auburn is included.

If I can post the clues that helped me lose weight on here, maybe I can keep myself on track or at least recall how to do it. Back in 2002, I lost weight down to 36 inch waist and got as lean as I had been since college. But right now I have only a vague recall of how I got there. First there was motivation. I was trying to be lean for Sara's dance program. I forwarded it into the fall when I planned on a backpack trip. That trip fell through and my motivation was blunted by the concerns I felt because of Nikki's situation. Since then there has been lots to be heart sick over.I have also given a lot of time to other projects.

As I have been formulating my plan of attack, I have hit upon several hints. I will try to convert to water as my preferred drink. Sugar will become off limits except in fruit which should be part of each meal. Fried food is off the menu. So is bread. Each meal I will try to have some salad or soup. My exercise program will include more interval work. Red meat will be reduced. And of course no peanut butter or candy. I also need a goal. There is a Bike Ride Across Georgia in June that would be a good goal but is a long time off. The Bike Safari in Florida is sooner but no one else will be going with me. There are some century rides coming up. Maybe I can focus on some of those.

Can anyone tell me the real meaning of Christmas...

Everyone is worried that the true meaning of Christmas is lost. It seems to me that the meaning of the Holidays at this time of year have been rewritten so many times and each time the old meanings either blended or forgotten until what has resulted is a modern day masterpiece that is the highlight of our capitalistic, materialistic, consumer based system. The meaning that cannot be lost is the rush to spend, spend, spend. So much of what we call traditions are borrowed from so called pagan sources that it is impossible to distinguish which is what. Yule, Mithras, Druid, Christian, or Saturnalia. And you know what, it doesn't matter. We give it our own meaning within our own lifetime. And that is what will count for each of us.

Decisions...

The Non Traditional Pharm D program I am in took an unexpected turn recently. Despite the usual delays that go with it, it has hit a new low with the loss of Ann Janer. She represents a connection with the past. Ms. Janer taught at Auburn when I was there in the 70's. Now there is virtually no one left but those very young ones who may not have a clue where we all came from. Right now I am wondering if it is worth it. Much has changed for me since I began. It was August over 2 years ago that I applied and sent in the application. I probably have another 2 years to finish. I am wondering why? Is there much I will do with the degree. Perhaps not. Especially if I stay there at Coosa. What would I do with the time I spend worrying or preparing for that program? I am not sure. I thought I would endure at least one module before considering leaving it. Those modules may be more relevant. I hope so. If it isn't relevant, I won't be continuing.

Letters to Sara - Christmas Tradition

Here we are less than 2 weeks till Christmas. We are observing many of our traditions. Pajamas have been purchased. The presents have almost all been wrapped. Cookies and candies are made and being made. Plans for travel have been finalized. The tree sits decorated in the living room. Santa Claus and Grammy sit in front of the fire place. Everything waits for Christmas Eve. But none of this is exactly as it was for your Mother or I when we were little. My Dad didn't make much of Christmas. Oh, we had a Christmas tree but after a while it was me putting it up. The most faithful one about having a Christmas tree was my Grandmother Odessa. We would search the woods for a cedar with a good shape and cut it and drag it back home. then we would decorate it with some simple ornaments and tinsel. Sometimes we strung popcorn and put the strands around the tree. The cedar smell would fill the little house. There wasn't any waiting for Christmas morning. I remember my Dad giving me an electric train one year. I asked him if there really was a Santa Claus and he said no, the presents came from him and Mother. I must have been 4 or 5 years old. When you kids came along, I knew I wanted Christmas to be a lot more. That's why we adopted so many of those little Christmas traditions. I learned that it is anticipation that is the most fun. Waiting to see what you get was agony but a sweet agony. It is wanting things that is the fun. The having of it often isn't as great as we had hoped. I remember how you guys really enjoyed some of the simplest, most inexpensive toys. The Spot Firehouse that I brought home from the store was one of the biggest hits. Another year a small tent was the hit. It was my hope to make Christmas a mystery. Make sure you never knew everything you would get so some package would be a surprise. Giving truly is better than receiving. Getting is something of a lesser experience. It turns out that getting everything you want is the shortest path to unhappiness. I hope you appreciate Christmas. There are lots of ways to express appreciation. I believe the most meaningful way will be taking the experience and creating your own Christmas tradition and remembering Christmas times past.

Once upon a time...

Back in November of 1988, Bev, the kids, and I had a family portrait made at the home of Bobby Adamson. That makes Sara 2 years old. The photos we had made were in our van and were stolen right before Christmas. The fishing rods were stolen from our boat at that time. Why anyone would have stolen photos doesn't make any sense, but this one photo was left. It is a small photo and doesn't have a lot of definition once scanned to a large format. But it is all that was left.

Letters to Sara - Life as a Gift

I was reading from Tony Robbins this morning. His comment was to look at life as a gift. I think that is a beautiful way to view our existence. It makes one feel as if we are chosen. As if we are special. But that really doesn't describe how we get life. Our lives come to us more like Branches sprouting from the trunk of a tree. We depend on everyone who has come before us because we are made of the combining of genetic information created by countless pairings back to the dawn of existence. The fact that we have made it so far is remarkable. Bill Bryson in his book about the history of everything said we should feel fortunate that all our ancestors were attractive enough to find mates and lucky enough to live sufficiently long to have children. That is an impressive string. Every ancestor before us was attractive and healthy enough to find a mate and have kids so that we are where we are. When we are looking at our family tree as you did in that class, we can only go back so many generations. Your cousin Joe said part of our shared family tree goes back to the Merovingian kings of France and to Charlemagne. He said that in a different fate, we would be living in Buckingham Palace in England because we are directly related to Henry the something??? Like it matters anyway. Mostly we don't pay attention to those distant relations. We look to parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. Why? Probably because the farther back we look, the less relation we bear to those ancestors. Think of it. I contributed 1/2 your genetic makeup (approximately). Your grandparents a fourth. Great-grandparents 1/8th and so forth. By the time we get back to those so long ago, we might be more related to the local inhabitants of our area than our direct ancestors. Apparently our looks aren't the only things passed on by heredity. Perhaps our behavior and personality come through as well. Take any small animal for instance. They have much of their behavior hard wired in so they know what to do upon birth. A human baby knows how to nurse immediately. There are differences in how these things are expressed. These differences come from the contributions of each family. If we are observant, we can see ourselves in our families. It is these similarities that make up a part of the family bond. I think I sought out a partner whose family was like my own in many ways. But when I look at my own family, I can see many parts of myself. I can see parts of the prior generation in the next. I think this is the "gift". It is a window into our own souls. We can see parts of ourselves clearly in their lives. It can helps us know who we are. It gives us a guide for the future. There were things about my Dad that I didn't like. But there were many things that I did. But like or dislike, I am like him. I am my Father's son. And that has helped me at times to understand myself. Having characteristics like both my Mother and Father has not been easy to keep reconciled within my own mind. They have given me examples of courage, perseverance, fortitude, and strength that I hope if the need arises some day, I can model as well. So my being alive is not a gift from them. It is a result. But the people they were and how that shapes me, that is the gift.

Letters to Sara - Thanksgiving

As I went through college, I learned that the whole concept of Thanksgiving had been concocted so that it was more like a fantasy than reality. The Indians sitting down with settlers to have a big meal was simply false. The idea of being thankful is something I approve of. But we are often thankful to the wrong one. It was really something to go to your Grandparent's and Maw Maw Johnson's for Thanksgiving dinner. They really put on a feast. I've never seen the like of food and pie and cake and candy. those folks really knew how to eat. What they were doing was sharing the work and sweat and labor of their lives with the people they cared about. Every mouthful of food represented work that they could have kept for themselves that they shared. They traded all that work for the joy they shared with all of us eating till we thought we would explode. Our contentment was more important to them than their own. And what do we take away from these family get-togethers? Memories. It is interesting what things we remember. It is impossible to remember everything. Just try remembering what you did on this very day 10 years ago. You have an idea of what you must have done but unless something really different occured, you don't remember the specifics. What I remember about last Thanksgiving was David eating Cranberry sauce off a spoon for Paw Paw. But I remember pieces of many Thanksgiving dinners which form a composite memory of how good those days were. Having those good memories are important. We can build our own memories. What do we hold onto? Do we cling to the best of them?